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June 2nd, 2008
Customer Disservice Because we’re not satisfied until you’re not satisfied.
Consulting. If you’re not a part of the solution, there’s good money to be made in prolonging the problem.
Give Up. At some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser.
Discovery. A company that will go to the ends of the Earth for its people will find it can hire them for about 10% of the cost of Americans.
Procrastination. Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now.
Consistency. It’s only a virtue if you’re not a screwup.
Challenges. I expected times like this - but I never thought they’d be so bad, so long, and so frequent
Idiocy. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Meetings. None of us is as dumb as all of us.
Motivation. If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon.
Planning. Much work remains to be done before we can announce our total failure to make any progress.
Teamwork. A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.
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May 29th, 2008
Text message conversation with Doug:
Me: `I’m lazy, that’s why I’m a sysadmin`
Doug: `talk about lazy, I just wrote a script that writes scripts`
ME: `beginning stages of skynet…I think I’ll name one of my projects skynet…
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April 30th, 2008
Although this video doesn’t state hippies, I feel as though it is beneficial for hippies to both watch and heed as hippies tend to smell like BO and patchouli:
WASH YO ASS!
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April 22nd, 2008
I would take this guy as a pet as well:
smoking monkey - very funny
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April 22nd, 2008
OK mom, your always trying to give me a pet. Well if you can find a murder monkey like this, I’ll go for it:
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April 22nd, 2008
Time trave is:
A) Only allowed on weekends.
B) Only allowed by government officials.
C) Only attained by Star Trek Nerds.
D) The only way to guarantee winning the lottery.
E) What happens when you eat too many crayons and forget to wear your helmet when you walk down the hallway.
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April 18th, 2008
One of the things that I absolutely can’t stand is poor grammar, punctuation etc when using email or other web communication tools. The worst is when people post things in all CAPS. CAPS are useful if you want to draw attention, but they are the net equivalent to yelling. The worst are personal ads where everything is wrong. I find it offensive. This is an opportunity to make a first impression, and while reading miss spelled words, sentence fragments, trying to navigate poor punctuation, and all the while it’s in all CAPS doesn’t leave me with a good one. I suppose I should be grateful, these are obviously people I don’t want to talk to.
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April 18th, 2008
Dougie: I’m punching out expedites today like a Mexican picking fruit…
Strunk: We are getting to be like the OnStar for google.com…
Sleep is overrated…
Over and over again I attempted to type a capital 3 today and just kept making # signs… Again.
-Dougie
I hate Austin traffic…
“Why the fuck are you stopping!? There better be an overturned bus of dead girlscouts ahead or something!”
-Dougie
ITIL Training Sucks…
“Managing Shrinkage” That’s something to the effect of finding warmth, right?”
-Dougie
Funny…
Eli: you know, i paid $1.36 for this bagel downstairs
Eli: and i didn’t even get a complimentary blowjob
-Dougie
Not so much good beer…
Arthur: This tastes like pinecones…
Not in my world…
1:12:18 PM CEO: b/c no one thinks ahead
1:12:26 PM CEO: what’s easy == what’s best
1:12:42 PM CEO: == means is not equal in case you’re wondering
1:13:18 PM Engineer: actually != means is not equal in programing … == means is equal …. just fyi
1:13:34 PM CEO: not in my world, not in Java according to the guy that taught it to me
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April 18th, 2008
“I’ll go over there with a crowbar and rip that shit out…”
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April 18th, 2008
So I see this sign on my way in to the DC a while back that stated this church could improve your spirituality and physicality. So it’s the ‘Get right with God weight loss program’?
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