It would be funny if it weren’t true…

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August 20th, 2008

So my younger brother started a new job waiting tables about a week ago. This is a good thing because he lost his job at a sandwich shop a few weeks before for using profane language in front of a new hire. I expect there were other reasons, but that is a story for later. So he has had this job for for about a week and has already managed to call in a day. His actual excuse was that he had been up all night wrestling and grappling with his homosexual room mate (sounds fun doesn’t it) and was too tired to get up and go to work at the crack of noon. His excuse to his employer was that our mother was out of town and that he had to babysit for our sister. Anybody that knows either my younger brother or my sister knows that neither would he ever babysit, no matter how dire the circumstances, nor would she entrust her seven week old child to him even long enough to go to the bathroom, but I expect that this is one of those excuses that doesn’t brook argument from an employer. His rational for calling in was that he was too tired to work and had spilled a drink on a customer the day before. He was afraid if he went in, they would fire him. Solution – call in. Of course he was very broken up about having to miss work so to console himself, he decided to go to dinner with his girlfriend at Olive Garden while he should have been at work.

Now I told you that story so I could tell you this one! I found all this out when he called to ask for a ‘loan’ to go to ’school’ Needless to say, I didn’t exactly jump right on that one. I’ll let him play back me and the rest of the family the cash moneys he owes us before I volunteer to loan him more. A stable job and solid work ethic (and the ability to complete the classes he enrolls in) would go a long way too.

Until next time….

The wisdom of candy…

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August 20th, 2008

Nougatocity \nu-gat-a-si-tE\ (noun). A heightened yet fleeting state of accomplishment that makes you realize how unbelievably unmotivated you normally are.

Quote of the day:

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August 20th, 2008

“So did it rain like a cow pissing on a flat rock at your house last night?”

Quotes of the day:

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August 12th, 2008

Taken directly from

“Agony: Not all pain is gain.”
“Apathy: If we don’t take care of the customer, maybe they’ll stop bugging us.”
“Beauty: If you’re attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core.”
“Burnout: Attitudes are contagious. Mine might kill you”
“Challenges: I expected times like this - but I never thought they’d be so bad, so long, and so frequent.”
“Change: When the winds of change blow hard enough, the most trivial of things can become deadly projectiles.”
“Consulting: If you’re not a part of the solution, there’s good money to be made in prolonging the problem.”

Quote of the day:

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August 4th, 2008

“She’s gullible and I’m bored. We’re PERFECT for each other!” -How I met your mother

Quote of the day:

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July 31st, 2008

“Drinking alcoholic beverages can cause birth defects.” ‘You mean like drinking may cause you to have babies?’

Quote of the day:

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July 30th, 2008

“When the time comes and I am dead and gone, I want to be burried face down. That way, anybody who didn’t like me can KISS MY ASS!!!!”

Some very funny stories…

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July 9th, 2008

So my friends and I had a very good time this past 4th of July. There are some pictures on my gallery here. I feel compelled to quickly post a couple stories that had us all in stitches.

Story1: So William had blown up the last car I bought him and needed John to pull it back home from the side of the highway. A day or two before John pulled the Jeep, William had jumped all over him for opening the screen door that faced his living quarters on the back porch because one of the cats had gotten into his room. So a few days later, John gets off work from the drilling rig and was pretty hammered drunk, so he came on over to get William and go get the Jeep. John, in his state, decided to barrel up the stairs, kick the dog door in the bottom of the screen door in, stick his head through and yell:

“Meow…MEOW Mother Fucker, I’m a cat!”

Story2: So this guy Earl apparently just shows up one day in John’s back yard one day and decides to live in the small travel trailer John had lovingly gutted and re-finished with linoleum and a few couches. At first John didn’t seem to mind, but as time went on John got progressively more fed up with the situation and decided it was time for Earl to leave. So one morning, John gets up and decides ‘Fuck it’ and rather than go out and have a stern talking to with Earl, he backs his one ton Cumins turbo diesel up to the back, hooks on and proceed to go ditch surfing at speeds in excess of 50MPH. After John gets tired of this, he returns the trailer to the back yard thinking surely Earl will leave.

Story2 part2: So a few weeks later, Earl is still in that damn trailer. John realizes that ditch surfing with trailer and squatter in tow was too subtle of a hint, so he grabs his circular saw, runs up to the trailer, cuts a hole in the side, sticks his head inside and yells:

“You better look out Earl… some CRAZY mother fucker is going around and cutting holes in the sides of trailers around here…”
and then walks off.

Epilogue: As you might can tell, Earl was not the sort of person that could take a hint and true to this, after John moved out of that particular trailer park, Earl lived on in the small refinished trailer with a now busted axle and one more window then the manufacturer intended. For all I know, Earl is still there and the new owners are trying to come up with more and more creative ways to dislodge Earl to this day.

Stay tuned, as there are many many more stories that I will be posting over the next few weeks….

I knew there was a good reason why I left Rackspace…

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July 2nd, 2008

Holy shit, I haven’t seen anything this comical in a long time.

While actually grossing 140m more in fiscal ‘07, they netted 2m less than the previous year. Way to go guys!

Here is a neat little exert from from their S-1 that Merrill Lynch made them put in:

  • We may be unable to manage our growth effectively
  • Our physical infrastructure is concentrated in very few facilities, and any failure in our physical infrastructure or services could lead to significant costs and disruptions
  • We may be unable to hire and retain qualified employees to support our growth strategy
  • Our business is affected by changes in the state of the general economy, and a slowdown or downturn in the general economy could disproportionately affect the demand for our services
  • We may not be able to compete successfully against current and future competitors

Current and noncurrent debt: $62.9M

“Services we provide are subject to failure resulting from numerous factors, including: Improper building maintenance by the landlords of the buildings in which our facilities are located;” I.E.: we don’t own any of our facilities.

Failure by us or our vendors to provide adequate service to our equipment.

We do not own the facilities occupied by our current data centers, but occupy them pursuant to commercial leasing arrangements. The initial terms of our existing data center leases expire over a period ranging from 2008 to 2015, with each having at least one renewal period of five years. Upon the expiration or termination of our data center facility leases, we may not be able to renew these leases on terms acceptable to us, if at all.

Wow, so one of their leases is up this year…

For more fun and excitement, you can read the full S-1 here:

A funny Hippie joke…

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June 25th, 2008

I like to amuse myself by scaring every hippie I see strutting down the street wearing their obnoxious hippie attire, too stoned to know what is going on and basking in their own horrid stench. I swerve my car as if to hit them, then swerve back just barely missing them.

One day I was driving along and saw a priest. I figured I was overdue for a good deed, so I pulled over and asked the priest “Where are you going, Father?” “I’m going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road here,” replied the priest. “Hop in and I’ll give you a ride Father” I chimed and the priest climbed into my car.

On we continue, when all of the sudden I see an especially dirty smelly hippie walking down the road. I couldn’t help myself, so I swerved as if to hit the hippie getting within inches of his nastiness before swerving back.

While I knew I had missed the hippie, I still heard a loud THUD. I looked everywhere and couldn’t see what I had hit in time (we were moving pretty fast). Then I realized, there was a priest in my car, so I started to apologize emphatically: “I’m so sorry Father, I can’t believe I almost hit that hippie!” to which he replied:

“Don’t worry my son, I got that smelly fucker with the door!”