AntiHippy.com

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced Up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”

She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston.

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”

“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t Even know your name.”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba.

“Don’t ping my cheese with your bandwidth.”
“If we don’t upgrade our servers, a herd of trolls will attack headquarters.”
“I’m reasonably certain that ‘Smartology’ isn’t a real major.”

“The website is down!!!”  How many times have I heard that one…

The Website Is Down: Sales Guy vs. Web Dude

This is classic.  I keep a copy of this 30MB AVI file around so I can watch it any time I need a good laugh…

Summoner Geeks

I can’t believe I missed this strip. It perfectly mirrors my feelings…

So I was in an accident a while back, and my car was totalled. Despite the fact that it was totalled, since my insurance company had to pay for the damages (due to a fuck-head in a Dodge Ram fleeing the scene of the accident) they decided to fix it rather than just pay out what the car is worth. For over a month, I dealt with my insurance company, a lawyer (I’m suing the fuck-head) and the body shop before they claimed it was ready for pick up.

Surprise! it wasn’t ready.

The car was in miserable shape when I initially reviewed it. After refusing to take delivery, the shop gave me a dealer loaner and said they would contact my insurance company to further review the case. Well, turns out, when the shop manager looked over the car, he decided to make the next round of repairs free of cost without contacting the insurance company at all. I guess he didn’t want State Farm to see the state of the car after it had been allegedly repaired.

After another two weeks of rolling in the dealer loaner, a Hyundai SantaFe, they called me back yesterday to let me know it was ready for pick up again. This time I did take delivery of the car, but noticed once I got it home that there are additional things that still need to be fixed. The passenger door needs to be re-aligned and the trunk hinges are rubbing when you open and close it. I let the receptionist that I would bring it back twice a week until it was right if I had to. Guess it’s time to show her that I wasn’t bluffing.

So I’m driving to a physical therapy appointment the other day (or maybe it was to get my hair done, I can’t remember) and I have to take the loop to get where I’m going. It is no secret that traffic on the loop between 4:30PM and 7:00PM is rough, everybody trying to get home after work, run errands etc, but traffic literally came to a stand still which is less common. I assume it is an accident, which is never a happy thing. People drive like retards in San Antonio (not as bad as Austin, or so I thought, but still bad). Turns out it was an accident, but it was an accident IN ON COMING TRAFFIC! So where I had thought traffic in SA was not as bad a Austin, I was wrong. Apparently people are so intrigued by other’s misfortune, they will slow four lanes traffic to a stop in the opposite direction so they can gawk. People disgust me.

For the most part, the IPO market has been horrible this year. In fact, according to a report from Reuters, only three IT (information technology) companies have gone public this year.

Despite this, web-hosting company Rackspace (NYSE: RAX) still went ahead with its IPO this week. And, it was pretty bad for investors. On its opening day, the stock price plunged 20% to $10. Ironically enough, Wall Street was hoping that the Rackspace deal would help spark the IPO market.

Take from Nifty News

So my younger brother started a new job waiting tables about a week ago. This is a good thing because he lost his job at a sandwich shop a few weeks before for using profane language in front of a new hire. I expect there were other reasons, but that is a story for later. So he has had this job for for about a week and has already managed to call in a day. His actual excuse was that he had been up all night wrestling and grappling with his homosexual room mate (sounds fun doesn’t it) and was too tired to get up and go to work at the crack of noon. His excuse to his employer was that our mother was out of town and that he had to babysit for our sister. Anybody that knows either my younger brother or my sister knows that neither would he ever babysit, no matter how dire the circumstances, nor would she entrust her seven week old child to him even long enough to go to the bathroom, but I expect that this is one of those excuses that doesn’t brook argument from an employer. His rational for calling in was that he was too tired to work and had spilled a drink on a customer the day before. He was afraid if he went in, they would fire him. Solution – call in. Of course he was very broken up about having to miss work so to console himself, he decided to go to dinner with his girlfriend at Olive Garden while he should have been at work.

Now I told you that story so I could tell you this one! I found all this out when he called to ask for a ‘loan’ to go to ’school’ Needless to say, I didn’t exactly jump right on that one. I’ll let him play back me and the rest of the family the cash moneys he owes us before I volunteer to loan him more. A stable job and solid work ethic (and the ability to complete the classes he enrolls in) would go a long way too.

Until next time….